I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize