he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Couch. On fire.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
