the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
