i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
