he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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