you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
