I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
jump out the window naked night went bad
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
