Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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