and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
we should paint friendship bongs
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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