Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
