I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
