If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
