ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
