He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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