apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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