Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
