i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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