Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
