dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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