I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
