The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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