I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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