I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
