***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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