Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
