ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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