Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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