end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
