It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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