I'm really into asian looking animals
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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