: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
