she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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