Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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