office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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