Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
