Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
