Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
