so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I deserve this hangover.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
