Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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