Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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