Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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