i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
