I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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