can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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