Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
