She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
