I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
