dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
