Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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