i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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