wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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