The maid of honor just puked.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
