Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
