I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
