i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
