if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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