take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
