just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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