It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
