dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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