My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
