so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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