Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
