I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
