Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
