I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
