I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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