I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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