I cut my penus on the lid.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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