So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
50% drunk capacity currently
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
