I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is Oprah even human
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
