Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
