and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
