I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
