i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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