We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
