dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
