I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize