the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
