the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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