so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
