i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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