didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
