then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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