I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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