Apparently you make a good broom.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
