i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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