she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize