i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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