He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
