Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
