And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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