She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
