I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
