My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
