so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
